Every Season

This song is one that is close to my heart. It not only soothes me, but it describes me and my life. I feel like I am going through those seasons. Right now, I feel like I am in the middle of winter, but the promise of spring is showing. Sometimes it gets rough trying to tough it through the cold, the numbness, the lifelessness... you feel like you can't move sometimes, and emptiness seems to seep into every moment. And yet in the middle of all of this, if you stop a moment and look closer, you see the sparkle in the frozen flakes, the purity in the white... and even the glory in "death" because of what it represents... making it more of a "sleep". It's not always easy for me to feel the warmth of life when my life seems to be "frozen". But knowing how Christ is a part of this cycle, and how it symbolizes the atonement, gives me hope that I will feel spring again....

EVERY SEASON - Nichole Nordeman
Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

My poetry

Inspired by Sara, here are a few of my poems.
You may need to click on the picture to be able to read it..

Life of a Stranger

Have you had times in your life where things just seem to be at their worst, and all of the sudden, someone comes into your life just when you need them the most? And they are exactly what you need in a friend. And sometimes it's more than one person. I've had this a few times in my life, and I really feel the LORD's hand in it. It felt as if when I thought I was going to be lost, someone rescued me just in time. So when I heard the song "Life of a Stranger" from the Transporter Soundtrack, I cried. It is for all those people who have saved someone, not for any reason in particular, other than they needed it. For those who have put their lives figuratively or literally on the line for the sake of someone else. The power that comes from this kind of dedication and character runs deep and cannot be taken. I truly believe it is one of the characteristics that makes you an heir to the Kingdom of GOD... It's not always easy to interpret when and how the LORD wants you to do this, but the joy that comes from it when you do is shared by both. I want to dedicate this song to a few people in my life... and this doesn't exclude all those dear friends that have been there for me, but I need this to be especially for a select few. First and foremost... my sister, Mandy. I have a hard time writing this and it not bring tears to my eyes. I have never known any person who has done more for me, and understood me more than my sister. We use to joke that we were meant to be twins because we looked so much alike, but also because we seem to share the same connection that twins do. She has saved my life both figuratively and literally. I would not be here today if it weren't for her listening to me and to the spirit. She is selfless, unconditionally loving and beautiful, just to name a few. I have never seen someone give so much of herself to others. I love you, Mandy!!! A few others are Melody, Whitney, Sean, Scott, Deborah, Carl, Anni and my family, and of course all my new VA friends, Sara, Krystal, Joseph, Matt, Melissa and the others. :)

Nadia - Life of a Stranger

The Transporter Soundtrack

You saved my heart... you don't even know me

You saved my dream... you heard me scream

My lost soul... was saved by a stranger

Who saved my life... you saved my life

Why did you do it? What made you stop and turn around?

Do you even know the reason Why you had to help me out?

Just when I knew it It was my time to sink or swim

You came along and pulled me out Of all the trouble I was in

Why did you do it? Why did you risk your life for mine?

Would I have the same done for you? Would I have saved you just in time?

You saved my heart... you don't even know me

You saved my dream... you heard me scream

You saved my soul... love that you have shown me

You saved my life... you saved my life

Where did you come from? How did you know I was alone?

That I never stood a chance To find the way out on my own?

Who sent the message? That I was hanging by a thread

By this very time tomorrow, They will leave me here for dead

Why did you do it? Why did you risk your life for mine?

Would I have the same done for you? Would I have saved you just in time?

You saved my heart... you don't even know me

You saved my dream... you heard me scream

My lost soul... was saved by a stranger Who saved my life... you saved my life

Save my life (save my life) Save my heart (save my heart)(and you don't even know me...)

Save my soul (save my soul) Save my dream (save my dream)Save my life

You saved my heart (saved my heart)... you don't even know me (you don't know)

You saved my dream (saved my dream)... you heard me scream

My lost soul (my lost soul)... was saved by a stranger (saved my love)

Who saved my life (saved my life)... you saved my life

You saved my heart (saved my heart)... you don't even know me (you don't know)

You saved my dream (saved my dream)... you heard me scream

My lost soul (my lost soul)... was saved by a stranger (saved my love)

Who saved my life (saved my life)... you saved my life!!!

FED UP

For anyone who reads this and gets frustrated... I am apologizing now. Please forgive me if what I say offends anyone, it's not intended to offend, but hopefully it'll knock some sense into SOMEONE. And I have to write it or I will go nuts.. How sad is it that I spend an entire week trying to find someone to watch my kids for one night... anticipating it, and by the time I get to it I'm so wound up and stressed out and ready to go out of my mind that everyone wonders how a 31 year old single mother has so much energy to expend!! It's because it's all frustration and stress wanting out! It's SYRA---trying to let her personality out.. pent up from spending so much effort and brain cells and patience to keep her kids lives and mentality together!! Trying to squeeze in joy into every second that I can before I have to face reality again. Heaven help me if I need a little me time to keep my sanity! Every waking moment I breathe is for my children!!! They give me soooo much joy, I love being a mother it's what I wanted the most to be, but should I feel guilty because it's not the ONLY thing I want to be? I'm trying to protect them against their dead beat father who doesn't want to be a MAN and take responsiblity for himself and those he needs to care for, or even return his own sons phone calls. Although I have NO HOPE for finding a man who not only can match me enough, have enough common goals, not have addictions, obsessions, abusive behaviors and mentality, integrity and all the other things that I need to not to end up in this situation again... and be able to accept the fact that I have two children, and any other situational details that are not easy to accept, I find myself on my knees fighting tears when my son says "I miss my daddy.." and I don't know how to help him!!!! I feel so helpless... it affects him to the point that I can't leave him at home behind because he's afraid I'M going to leave him! And despite all my efforts to not talk bad about his father to him, all I can say is "It's ok, love, how about we find you a new daddy?" NOT EVEN KNOWING HOW THE HELL I AM GOING TO DO THAT!!! I can barely get out to even have a dating life! My daughter is sent in the middle of all of this mess... to be here for her big brother. She is struggling with her own issues which takes all I have to hold in for her. I am struggling every moment of every day all but alone in my endeavors... surrounded by some family support, which I am still grateful for what I do get, is not enough. I turn to the ward, but because of my living situation, no one will babysit when I need to get a job or want to get out of the house! I get "well-wishers" who offer their help, but when it comes time to help me offer nothing but excuses. Everyone looks on, but looks away glad that they are not in my shoes... I feel so inadequate as a mother, I am not perfect, even though I am my kids best hope right now. I do the only thing that serves as my therapy, and that is go out for about an hour at night, excercising, to expell everything that is screaming inside of me! HEAVEN HELP ANYONE THAT TRIES TO ATTACK ME THAT TIME OF NIGHT... I'd welcome it, if it weren't for what my two little ones would be left to. I have spent the last year going through a divorce, a pregnancy and delivery, homelessness, starvation, joblessness, hospitalization, ridicule and judgement, health issues, and abuse from men, including some serious things. I made a life for my little family and took them full time when my ex-husband decided he needed to take off and leave us to fend for ourselves. I got very little help but from a few close friends, a couple family members and the church. And I'm sorry but so many people don't know how hard it is to look family and your bishop in the face and ask for help, trying to just get a foot up enough to support us. Well, I managed to do it, mostly in hand with a lot of judgement... you know what happens when you do that... One man in particular gave me the biggest foot up and I don't think I can ever tell him just what he did. I worked two jobs, took care of my kids full time, and kept a two bedroom apartment in a good neighborhood. And when the LORD told me it was time to pack up then and take my family across the country, I didn't question or hesitate, I WENT. Now here I am, starting over, with just a roof over my head like I did in UT, having lost most of what I have in the process. And JUST like I did it in UT, I will do it here. I was finally able the other day to thank that man personally and tell him just what he did. Mark my words... in 6 months, I'll not only be supporting me and my two kids, but I'll be succeeding in it!!! Anyone that doubts me, just ask how stubborn I can get. But when I get a little frustrated because things like a stupid game, or 'I've put in my time' or give me more money, excuses or just plain hell when I ask for just a LITTLE help frustrates me, don't be stupid and act surprised... especially if you consider yourself to be a Christian!! I ALWAYS look to return favors, pay what I can, and serve those who need it, to the best of my ability. I am not perfect, but that is the way that it is suppose to be done!!! MEN, grow some balls and take care of your women, GOD tells you that it is your responsibility to!! ...and respect the rest of the women!!! Be careful when you make a woman cry for GOD counts their tears!! WOMEN, drag the freakin guts that you had to have to have a baby and use it to take care of your children and your man, that's YOUR responsibility!! Appreciate when you have a good one, don't take him for granted and beat him up!! Take care of your friendships, because you have to NOURISH them or they will GO AWAY!! Cherish the moments that GOD gives you because you may loose them at any point. And guess what? When that happens, it is our DUTY to say "IT'S FOR OUR OWN GOOD". Be careful when you judge a pregnant woman that walks into a ward alone, especially if it's a singles ward. You don't know what her situation is, and you will be judged as you have judged. When you are given service opportunities, you need to take them, not only because the LORD will ask you why you didn't but because that is EXACTLY what makes your life easier!! Eternity is a long time to have our heads stuck in the ground!! I've been walked on too many times, because I'm just too nice to stand up for myself when I need to. Well, here it is, and I am done.

Nighttime

This is the coolest picture... it's not of me, but it kind of symbolizes my excercise experience at night. This is the way I feel. I go late at night and I power walk, dance or light jog... depending on my mood. It looks funny when I dance or power walk... the latter I look a lot like a gay guy... lol But when I am going, listening to my music... I feel no pain. Gives me that "invisible" feeling. All I feel is light and the wonderful burn of energy. It's the one time in my life when I feel completely free of sorrow, other than when I look into my childrens eyes. I feel like the world is the way it's suppose to be. I can make the world whatever I want... I can be brave and powerful, I can be someone's dream, or dream of someone, or just love a dream. I can be seductive or thoughtful with a simple click of a new song, and my steady pace of energy. It's incredible!